Well here we are again on Friday and I’ve been bad about posting fanfic Friday. I’m a very bad girl. I get distracted so easily…squirrel….OK so I’m back on track and wanted to share another one of my fanfic specials with you.
This story is about my fav, Obi-wan Kenobi. I wrote this just on a whim because that is where most fanfic comes from. Yes, I have some multi chapter stories, but I don’t want to feature those here. So this one shot about the way Obi-wan feels at the end of Revenge of the Sith seems to fit perfectly.
This is not your destruction.
This is your birth.
Bathed in the heat of a planet which Obi-wan never thought that he would see again, Anakin lies, writhing in pain at his feet. By his hand, this had been done. There was no other way to put it, Obi-wan has failed. He has failed all those who had depended on him and the boy who now lay there was all his doing.
“You were the chosen one! It was said that you would destroy the Sith, not join them. You were to bring balance to the force, not leave it in darkness,” he shouts at the man who is now struggling to pull himself from the edge of the lava. The person that Obi-wan once trusted with his very life is nothing more than a broken and perverted soul.
“I hate you,” the ridiculous caricature of his former padawan screams at him. It’s the moment which wrenches Obi-wan’s heart from his chest and throws it to the ground. There is no more brother, there is no more son, there is only a twisted person in whom Obi-wan can no longer see redemption. A light extinguished so easily by choices. Choices that were selfish, not selfless.
“You were my brother, Anakin,” it was all that Obi-wan could bring himself to say as the sulfur from the oozing lava starts to choke him. Or maybe it is the hurt that he feels for the person he can only remember now.
“I loved you,” the older jedi almost cries. He will not let the tears for someone so close to him stain his cheeks. Obi-wan will be the stronger jedi. He will weather this storm and, in the end, find himself a better person for it. The test is yet to come.
Fire ignites the once youthful and skilled body of Anakin. In that moment, Obi-wan hears the cries of the boy who used to be scared at night and coming running into his room for comfort. He hears the sounds of the boy who had lost a mother whom he had loved with all of his heart. In the painful scene, he finds the boy who is reaching for him, almost begging him to save him. There is no more saving. There is only living with what everything and everyone has become.
Obi-wan can’t look, but he has to look. He has to know that the person that he loved so dearly is gone. He must take care of his part of the obligation to the Jedi order. There is no room for failure here. He looks back, but it’s too heartbreaking. Obi-wan wants to flee, but remains a few more minutes as Anakin’s body is completely engulfed. He is ugly, just as his soul is on the inside. This is something that Obi-wan will never be able to forget and doesn’t want to have leave his mind. He wants to be reminded. He wants the pain.
This is what the dark side makes of the most beautiful light in the galaxy. It creates scars and pits and makes the beauty that the light holds into ash. It burns brightly, but only for a moment before be squelched into complete blackness. It makes everyone suffer.
Obi-wan wants to remember what the blackness looks like, even though it’s hard to see.
He turns, finally unable to withstand the sounds of his former padawan screaming. There is no more to see. No man which could withstand the heat and power of fire which devours all in its path. Anakin will be scourged from the galaxy and the darkness will forever be wrapped inside of him.
Without preamble or pomp and circumstance, Obi-wan returns to the ship he secreted himself inside of to reach Anakin. There laying sadly in a forced slumber is the person that Anakin swore he was doing all of this for in the first place. She has suffered, as Obi-wan has, with the disillusionment that Anakin is not who everyone thought that he was in the end. They have been fooled.
With little to no strength, Obi-wan climbs into the cockpit with the golden droid and rubs his face. Terms cannot be met in his mind, yet, but in the future, Obi-wan will be able to find the meaning in all of this. Right now, he is numb. There is no living, there is only surviving until the next second, minute, hour or day.
Finally after some travel, they arrive at Polis Massa. Obi-wan has to take care of Padme before he can worry about himself. He will always be selfless. There are people who need him more than he needs to wallow in the pity of what has happened to Anakin. There is no time to dwell on the fact that he will never see his former padawan again. There is only time to think about what Padme and her child needs.
Things brighten for a moment when Obi-wan learns that Padme is having two children. He is thankful that she has asked him to be with her, if not for the distraction that it provides his mind. When the weight of a small newborn is placed in his arms, there is nothing that he can do to stop the smile from coming to his lips. This is redemption. This is new life. His mother gives him the name Luke, Obi-wan feels that it is a fitting name. Leia follows shortly, her personality and strength evident.
Then the world is spiralling again as Padme is no longer responsive. They push him from the room with the twins, only after she pleads with Obi-wan that Anakin is still good. That is something that he cannot find in his heart to believe. If he was still good, than where was that good? How could anyone find good inside of a person wrapped in so much hate and anger?
Med droids come and taken the twins from him. He is unanchored by their sweet presence. In that moment, when the galaxy seems to be spinning out of control, Obi-wan knows that he can no longer hang onto the demeanor of a good jedi. There are only so many places his mind can run and now it has hit a dead end.
His lungs feel as though he cannot get enough air and the stench of the clothes he still wears from Mustafar fills his nostrils. Searching blindly, he finds a small cabin at the end of the Tantive’s hallway. With fingers fumbling, he finds the lock and engages it. Here, when he is crumbling to pieces, there is no room for intrusion. Obi-wan wants to completely rid himself of the guilt and disgust that he feels inside. This will not be the most heroic or becoming moment in his life.
Sliding down the door, he sits on the cold and sterile floor, knees pulled to his chest, and sobs. His body shakes as he releases all those feelings he’s been holding in since he left Anakin to die. Obi-wan knows that he is heartless. A normal human would’ve run to Anakin’s side, saved his life and been the hero. Instead Obi-wan watched as the boy burned alive. It was a painful death, of that fact, the older jedi was sure.
How could he have done this? How could Anakin have disappointed him? There were so many questions that had no answers. The things Anakin said made no sense to him, but there had to be motivation somewhere in the boys’ mind. It is something he will never learn of and a secret taken to an early grave.
Obi-wan comes to his knees and leans over on his hands. He wretches spilling the minimal contents of his stomach onto the floor, ruining the sterility of the room. The first episode was just the beginning of a sequence of retching. Tears stream from Obi-wan’s eyes, not only from the force of vomiting, but because he just can’t believe what he has done.
Exhaustion and tremors claim his body and he collapses onto his back on the floor. He would have to accept that Anakin was gone, the only remnants of his former padawan is a lightsaber which he has tucked away with his robe and two children who would know nothing of either of their parents. Obi-wan’s heart breaks again for those children. They didn’t ask to be caught in the middle of a galactic struggle between light and darkness.
Obi-wan knows what has to be done and he will need all of his resolve to make sure that he can accomplish with the twins what he was never able to accomplish with Anakin. They will have to be the hope that the jedi had always held onto for Anakin.
They will have to save him.
Until next time, fanfic on!