I’ve been very silent on my blog for the past couple of weeks and I apologize, but I feel I’m gaining insight into myself by being so silent. I see what my wants and needs are and it’s been a rather strange time of self reflection for me.
I have a very busy schedule with three children and a full time job. It keeps me coming and going, but my silence now is not related to my family life, work life or other form of distraction. I’m silent because I am having doubt. Yeah, yeah, yeah… here we go again with the doubt thing, but it is a killer.
My manuscript has been submitted for my second novella and still nothing. I know I should be patient, but it’s been very difficult for me because I’m thinking now that it wasn’t good enough and people are busily laughing at what I attempted for my sophomore work. I thought it expanded my characters and made their stories more in depth. I put my heart into a novella about the struggles some face with unrequited and then requited love. The issue of what it means to find out a child you love with all your heart might not be yours at all. I went out there, but still nothing.
I know I shouldn’t be over analyzing things, but I’ve started to wonder if I should continue writing. I’m halfway through Before Deadline, my recent novella about a small town reporter who falls in love with the wrong man, but I’m wondering if I should scrap it and just be thankful that I have a full time job. Maybe I should put this dream away, where I kept it for all those years, and move on with my life.
There are so many questions right now. I’m not the best company or wife right now, but it’s just how I feel.
Until next time, reflect.