This past week has been a week of conclusions for me. I’ve moved on in several aspects of my life, no longer wanting to be held back by things I can’t change or will never change for me. I’ve decided my life is too short to sit around trying to please a large group of people seated at some round table somewhere waiting to pronounce their judgement on me. I don’t have time. I have books to write.
Speaking of writing, well things aren’t going as well as I had planned. I’ve found several issues that have been nagging at me for the past couple of weeks. I was supposed to take two weeks off and try to decide the direction of my second novel in The Community series, but I can’t. I have to stop right now. I have to turn around and give The Community book 1 a good hard look. Nope, it’s not good. It’s not even close to being good.
I know. I’m my own worst critic, but the only place this book can go now is up. It can reach into the upper atmosphere and burst into a million points of light for the entire world below to see. This book can be the most AMAZING thing I have ever done, but it takes work. It takes reaching into places inside of me that I never knew I would have to find and face. There are demons lurking and they have to be taken care of or I will be consumed by the fact that I never produced anything from the most incredible group of ideas I’ve ever had.
So what do the weeks ahead look like for this writer? They look dirty. They look like something has dragged me into the gutter and rolled me around in the muck. This is what it will have to be if the polished jewel of Forbidden: Amira’s Journey can be seen by the world. There will be no short cuts to the most wonderful experience in my life. I will have to dig deep and maybe take some time to cry at some of the criticism I get. This is my baby. This is my heart and soul. Hearing bad things about it makes me hurt inside, but I want the feedback to be frank. I would rather people who know me tell me things than wait until it’s too late and the manuscript has already been sent out.
This is hard. This is very hard and painful (I’ve had three kids, you would think it would be easier, but no). I will have to suffer these terrible feelings and the constant need to “burn my book” until I think I’m in the right place. I don’t look forward to this at all. I’m dreading every single minute of it, but I know in the end, this is the most important thing I’ve ever done besides make those children. This will ensure my security as a writer and give me a final product I’m happy with and willing to share.
I can do it, no, I have to do it.
So think of me for the next few weeks as I bury myself inside the world of The Community again. I will need all the thoughts and good vibes I can get.
Until next time remember, The Community is watching!